it's jokes

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed and got eaten by the bat.

Why is Mars red and not orange? Because it would be too bright.

It was just a big hunter killer drone.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.

Nobody got it.

What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?

It left him hanging.

If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?

Because no one forgets it! :)

Why is football the gayest sport ever? Because it's just a bunch of sweaty men tackling each other.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.