it's jokes
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
Ask the emo kid: "Hey, how's it hanging?"
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
Once I heard a joke about chocolate. It wasn't that funny, so I just Snickered.
Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.
"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."
This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.
"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."
Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.
The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.
The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.
Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.
The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.
After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."
"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?
Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.
When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.
Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.
Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."
Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.
Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.
"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.
Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.