it's jokes
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?
Never mind. It’s too cheesy!
What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?
A clout chaser.
Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?
It uses Hershey pronouns.
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.