it's jokes
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
I would make a joke about Silver the Hedgehog... but it's no use!
Dark humor is just like water,
some people get it, some people don't.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
Why did the orphan become a criminal? It wants to be wanted.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?