it's jokes
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Your forehead is so big that it was used as a billboard.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
Me 6 years ago when I be opening a chip bag :
It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.
If O2 is H2O, what is F?
It is H2O too; F is water as well.
Yo mama is so hairy that she brushed it like her hair and put pins on it.
Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.
Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?
Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?
Because I am a bully!
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
"Does this make any cents?" a man says.
"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.
How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁