it's jokes

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.

What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

A pedophile.

Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?

Me neither. It all came crashing down.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!