it's jokes

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?

“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.