it's jokes
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
Your hairline is so far back it looks like it got smacked up by Will Smith.
What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?
Panera Shed.
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream