it's jokes
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?