it's jokes
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow.
Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
We went running on our camping trip. It was past tents.