it's jokes

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.

This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.

I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

Why did the cat meow?

Because it's a cat, and they meow.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

What is Trump's favorite snack?

Cheetos.

(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)

My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.

Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!