it's jokes
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Say:
"Eye"
Spell:
"Map"
Say:
"Ness"
Now say it fast!
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
She replied "Oh fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
Q: I wish my grass was emo.
A: Then it would cut itself.
The second twin tower is like Canada. It doesn’t exist.
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
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Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.