it's jokes
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?
The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."
The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish? A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
It's punny.
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!
Why was the Burnside Bridge so hot?
Because it's on the burning side.