IT jokes

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

it was just a prank bro.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.

Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?

Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."

What is a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.