IT jokes

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"