IT jokes
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.
It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"