IT jokes

What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?

The cow didn’t make it.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn’t have a home page.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...

He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.