Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
What is a queef?
Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️
What does a lesbian call the other during sex?
Mummy.
A hand is always sad when it sees a dick is going inside.
Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
Riley....I...I think I wanna be more than friends.
Best way to kiss someone is to lick inside their mouth with your tongue a lot of times, and they will really like it, especially me!! - lizard kiss+ french kiss= SloBbY Kiss.
Thanks for learning and getting advice.
Also, don't be such a horny one!
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
