When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"
My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My I.
May I who?
May I put this pussy on your mouth?
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
