Intimacy jokes
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
"Fuck me."
That's what she said.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
My sex life.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?
Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.