What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
What are Russia's favorite netball positions?
Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Honestly, Ukraine is just built to annoy Russia.
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
What did trump say to Ukraine when putin bombed them?
It was antifa!!!! And China!!!!
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.
"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
