New International Relations Jokes - Page 3

Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!

What's blue, red, and white and dead all over?

Trump's dead Russian mates.

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

Why didn't Donald Trump build the wall?

Because Mexicans did not and would not build the damn wall!

I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.

Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?

The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.

Iran: We can beat the USA.

Japan is typing...

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.