INS jokes
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Can I put deez nuts in yo cluts?
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? You nail its other hand to the ground.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?
Because it’s only bad when white people do it.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.