INS jokes

Catholic priest

    • What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

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    • Boss

    • His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.

    His boss told him: "You suck."

    And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.

    His boss told him: "You suck for life!"

    XD

  • 3
    • INS memes

    9/11

    • You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.

    Voodoo dick

    • A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine.

    He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts, “Voodoo Dick, the door!”

    The wooden penis flies across the room and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk and, once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box, and the cashier closes the lid.

    The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!”

    The man nods and heads home.

    Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip.

    A few days later, the wife becomes very horny and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout, “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can but just can’t get it out. The wife panics and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims, “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!”

    The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

    “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”

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    • Viagra

    • A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."

  • 7

    • Guy

    • What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.

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    • Student

    • It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

    1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

    "You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

    "Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

    After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

    1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

    "No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

    "No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

    "Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

    "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

  • 1

    • Alien

    • Things said by racist aliens:

    "Some of my best friends are Green."

    "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

    "You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

    "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

    "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

    "You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

    "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

    "Get out of my store you grigger!"

    "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

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