INS jokes
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
If you kill a killer, the same amount of killers in the room stays the same.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
MISSING!! MISSING!! 🚨
Name-pionel PESSI Missing: 09/03/2021 vs Madrid Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty"
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, St etienne
Last seen- Alaba’s Pocket
⚠️ ⚠️: don’t walk around with pens
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
Why are transgender people like confused kids?
Because they both don't know what they want to be in life.
Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.
When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
Ever heard of candies? Candies balls fit in your mouth.