INS jokes
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie. Your other brothers can't deny that she's fly. We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that. She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black. But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F. 'Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef. And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol But if I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all. She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed. She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna. She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess. I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song 'Cause I'm in your house every night doin' your mo-om.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies? I don’t put fruit in a blender.
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.
And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What did Osama give the Windows on the World restaurant in the WTC as a rating when he ate it? A 9/11!
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?
Panera Shed.