INS jokes

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

Dear Grad Parents,

Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.

There will be more information to follow in the coming days.

Thank you.

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?

"Are you ready kids?"

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.

Finish the lyrics in the comments-

iTs CoRn!

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

Because he had too many FILL-INS.

I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Discord.

Discord who?

I need discord to plug in the phone.

Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"