INS jokes
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Why did he die so soon? Oh, I know, he forgot to plug in his charger!
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"
Marvin: "I don’t believe that."
Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"
The next morning,
Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"
*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*
Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
Dear Gwen,
Gwen, when I said sorry, I meant that as a sarcastic "why" and point of view!
TBH, you make me sick as a dog! Also, you're so annoying; stop holding that anger in. BTW, I AM A SPECIAL CHILD!
BTW, I am 6 years old BTW!
Please comment good or not! Irdc!
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
Why don't headless people have a head in class?
Because they know that they will be ahead of the class. XD