INS jokes

Penis

    • What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

    The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

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    • Study

    • Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!

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    • Face

    • What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.

    What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.

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    • INS memes

    Murder

    • They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

    I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

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    • Day

    • Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

    Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

    Falco: Wat…

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    • Depression

    • If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

    If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

    I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

    If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

    I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

    If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

    I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

    If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

    I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

    My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

    I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

    I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

    I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

    I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

    I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

    My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

    Help me...

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    • Grandma

    • 3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

    Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

    Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

    Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

    Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

    Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

    Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

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    • Trophy

    • It's about bottling.

    It's about crying.

    I stay finished, I fake retire.

    Put in the diving.

    Put in the ghosting

    And take my fake trophies.

    Eibar and Bolivia in my veins.

    My Barcelona banged by Bayern.

    I bottle the game, so what's my farmer's name? (Pessi)

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    • People

    • "I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

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    • Baby

    • What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday? Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

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    • Tonsil

    • One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”

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