INS jokes

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

You are in the airway, how funny!

Yo momma is like a penny...

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants!

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."

"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.

In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.

Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

14 girls asked me to go out today!

I was in the ladies' toilets...

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.

Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”

Welp, that’s it.

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.