INS jokes
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.