INS jokes
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.
What do dark humor and food have in common?
Some get it, some don't.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?
I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.
Q: What's the most popular dish in Africa?
A: The empty one!
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
What are wheelchair users experts at?
Being lazy.
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.