INS jokes

An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?

Student: Ukraine is history!

"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."

A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have another pair of balls.

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Discord.

Discord who?

I need discord to plug in the phone.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?

Stiff chocolate.

How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.

How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.

What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.

Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.