INS jokes
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
If you kill a killer, the same amount of killers in the room stays the same.
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.