INS jokes
Q. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A. Because it has a silent pee.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
Mona lisa in OhIo
Q. Why did the emo not like his AirBnB?
A. There wasn't enough carbon monoxide in the suite.
What’s another name for nutting in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Two nuns in a bath.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
Like this if you are in foster care.
Yo mama so stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
We are in a matrix, wake up.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."
I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
What do the N and F in "orphan" stand for?
"No family."
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.