INS jokes
Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?
So gay people can have lightsaber duels.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Michael Jackson.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.