INS jokes

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...

What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?

They both hang from trees.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.