INS jokes

Baby

    • What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

    The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

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    • Education

    • Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

    A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

    Wife

    • Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.

    Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.

    Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."

    Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.

    He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.

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    • People

    • How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

    One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

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    • INS memes

    Fork

    • Fork pierces the flesh. Guided by hunger's demand, Savoury feast waits.

    Tines dig deep within, Seeking the sustenance craved, A mealtime delight.

    Belly grumbles loud, Yearning for nourishment's touch, Fork answers the call.

    Food on the platter, Fork dances with anticipation, To satiate hunger's plea.

    Digestion begins, Fork's journey now complete, Nourishing the soul.

    Why does the fork go? To bring joy to empty hearts, Satiating needs.

    In the stomach's depths, Fork finds purpose and solace, A culinary bond.

    With each mealtime tale, The fork carves memories deep, In stomachs it rests.

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    • Name

    • 1. Full name: John.

    2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

    3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

    4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

    5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

    6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

    7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

    8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

    9. Working motivation: none.

    I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

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    • God

    • When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

    And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

    It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

    When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

    And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

    It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

    Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

    And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

    Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

    And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

    And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

    And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

    And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

    It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

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    • Bomb

    • "You're the bomb."

    "No, you're the bomb."

    A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.

    Forest

    • There lived a jackal in a forest. He did not get the day's food, so he was very hungry and wandered throughout the forest, but could not find any food. Finally, he decided to go to the city. As he was walking into the city, he heard some dogs bark. Soon, he found a group of dogs running towards him, so he rushed into a nearby house which belonged to a dyer and fell into a tub filled with blue dye. The dogs that were chasing him returned back as they could not find him. The jackal came out blue from the tub and went into the forest. Every animal in the forest was frightened to see a new animal. The jackal realized that all animals were afraid of him and took advantage of the situation. He called the animals towards him. The jackal said, "Oh my dear friends, I have been sent by gods in heaven to protect you all. I will be the king of this jungle." All the animals became very happy. Everyday they served him food and took care of all his needs. They came to him with all their problems and listened to what their king said. One day as the king jackal was sitting by the court, he heard a pack of jackals howling in the forest. For a long time, he had not heard these voices. He felt very happy, forgetting he was the king, he howled back immediately. All the animals knew who he really was and started chasing him in anger, but the jackal was already on the run.

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