INS jokes

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

What do mermaids put in the salads?

Sea cucumber.

Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.

What do you call a disabled person in a fire?

"HOT WHEELS!"

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?

They all produce horrible shit.

What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?

Panera Dread.

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Pop in the toilet.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

What do me and an emo kid have in common:

We both like to hang.

What does a blind man and a PS4 have in common?

They both need to make sounds to be recognized.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My friends think I'm bipolar. I threw a pencil case at someone and I walked out, walked back in 2 seconds later and I was sunshines and rainbows.