INS jokes
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
When you name yourself Twin Towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
"Twin Towers" is on fire🔥
"Terrorist" is on a streak of 2.
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
1 like = 1 more child in my blender.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.