INS jokes
Your momma's so fat, she farted in bed and blew the covers off.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
What does the PH stand for in "orphan"?
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?
Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To drop some FRESH RHYMES in the cafeteria!
My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.
Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D
Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.
Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.
Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.
Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.
Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
Where do you find the best comedians?
In the funny farm!
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."