INS jokes
Can I put deez nuts in yo cluts?
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...