INS jokes
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
What ended in 1999? 1998.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.