INS jokes

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?

His wife died.

1950: In the future there will be flying cars.

2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.

"Puta, banana in your ear!"

what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?

steamed vegetables.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.