INS jokes
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?
Have a look at her face!
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.