INS jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)
French fries weren't originally cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"
Little Johnny said, "No, what?"
She answered, "The principal's office."
Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"
The teacher answered, "No, what?"
"You have a d!ck in your mouth!"
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.
The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."
So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
I was sweating like Michael Jackson in a Chuck E. Cheese.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?
He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.