INS jokes
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
Yo momma's so fat, she was the iceberg in the Titanic.
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
What does the F in "orphan" stand for?
"Family," but there is no F.
Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.