INS jokes
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
Why did the Star Wars movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda was in charge of scheduling.
My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
EatDatPussy445, aka Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason, aka Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland, is a pedophile, and he is in Las Vegas right now. Go, go, go, catch him!
Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"