INS jokes
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.