INS jokes
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
What do you call a terrorist attack in Iraq? A selfie!
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
You know what they call pineapples in Paris?
I don't know, what?
Anus.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why is ten afraid? Because he’s in between nine and eleven.
Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
In 9/11, people were dying for the pizza. But it was at the bottom, so they had to die for it literally.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because seven ate nine.
But 10 was afraid, why? Because it was in between 9 and 11.