INS jokes
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital.
Just to test their patients.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because the dad never came with the milk.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
A woman was in the Twin Towers. She orders a pepperoni pizza but got a plane pizza.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
Waluigi gets his Walu-weenie stuck in a vending machine!
It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.
What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
Why was the entire population emo in the 1920s?
Because it was the Great Depression.
And together we will make America great again.
You were never great in the first place.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
What do kids have in comments? They have parents, right?