INS jokes
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
What do you call Adolf Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.
My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.
You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
I'm 14. I have had sex before. I have 206 bones in my body, but when I'm with my gf, I have 207.
Orphans actually have an advantage. Nobody can call them motherless or test-tube babies in an argument.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.