INS jokes
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
I'll put white in your smile.
The 11th of September is considered 9/11 in America. The Twin Towers fell on 9/11 in 2001, but to call an emergency in America, you dial 911! 😮 You could say they dialed that correctly.
What do you call a batter in a hot air balloon?
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit, the kids thought they missed the school bus.
Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair and screamed, "Rocket League!"
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
Boy: The F in orphan stands for family.
Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan.
Boy: Exactly!
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why do pedophiles always lose a race?
Because they come in a little behind.
What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."