INS jokes
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”
The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
I put the fun in dysfunctional.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"